Once you leave your teenage years behind you realize that self love is nothing you can put on together with your make up. It doesn’t work like a mask, it can never work as an act only – it has to grow from inside until you radiate it. Today I was wondering what you can actively do and change in your way of thinking, to achieve inner stability and grow to love yourself more. The following list is a summery of what has helped me greatly in building new confidence for myself.
1. Forgive your past self and arrive in the now.
Don’t let regret over past mistakes hold you back from starting over. The past has absolutely nothing on you and your present moment, it only exists in your head. Be strong and keep your eyes on the steps you are making now, creating the life that you want.
2. Value yourself and your (life)time. Set boundaries when you have to.
One of the greatest secrets of self love is to learn how valuable you and your time is. Learn from past experiences when enough is enough. If it is a friend that used you or a lover that hurt you. Love yourself and your lifetime enough to set boundaries. Cut chords if you need to, take time for yourself if you need to. Learn to say no and turn away when the situation hurts you more than it benefits you.
3. Acknowledge who you already are and what you have accomplished.
It is very easy to admire other people, especially today where all we see is the shiny surface of a social media profile. Sometimes we just need to see little snippets of peoples lives and our head creates a great story around it, that is always so much better than our own. Keep your eyes on your own life.
When you see a post of a happy couple or of your friend showing off his travel pictures, acknowledge it but don’t let it go deeper. If this concerns you sometimes, find some advice in my post about the “5 Truths To Inner Peace”.
4. Practice gratitude. I promise it will change your life.
At least once a day remind yourself what you can be thankful for in life and what makes you happy on a daily basis. And it will feel like an immediate antidote against negative thoughts, lift your mood up and help you refocus your mind on your life only (and not what everybody else is having or doing).
5. Instead of putting yourself down, tell yourself about your good qualities daily.
Self love also means paying attention to how you treat yourself on a daily basis. Actively replace negative by positive affirmations. Negative thoughts about yourself quickly become the loudest of all in your head and only lower your self esteem. Instead, try to boost your self confidence every day by consciously pointing out your good qualities to yourself: I am a loyal friend, I am passionate about my work..
Notice when you are putting yourself down and actively stop it. This could also start by accepting compliments instead of fighting them off. When a friend compliments you on your work and you play it cool by saying „ah, its not that good“ your subconsciousness will remember and you feel less good about it automatically. Accept compliments and keep the positive feedback in the back of your head.
6. Surround yourself with loving, supportive people. Let go of your frenemies.
It can be very individual why we don’t feel comfortable in other peoples presence. Sometimes you just don’t share the same vibes, sometimes it is something explicit this person does. Don’t invest your energy and time in people that you cannot be yourself with, that put you down or make you feel less than you are. Be strict and take a step back. Nurture the relationships that empower you to be the best version of yourself and that make you feel strong and loved.
7. Practice self care. We only get one body and we’ll learn to love and care for it !
I do believe that exercise, less fast food and good 6-8 hours sleep leaves us feeling stronger than before. Actively notice what you put into your mouth and what it does to your body. The more conscious we treat ourself the less likely we are to get back to harmful behavior (..like drinking too much alcohol and sleeping less than 4 hours!). Also pamper yourself! Nourish your skin with lotions after showering and do your nails.. all of this sends signals to yourself „I love my body and I take care of it.“
There is a lot to self love. Acceptance, forgiveness, positivity and self care. All you do on a daily basis – how you treat others, how you perform in your job and how you look out on life – is rooted in how you view yourself. The more balanced and strong you become in your core, the less likely you are to be shaken by outside influences and the happier you will become.